Monday, June 29, 2009

Greta: Interrupted

We didn't want to believe it. Who would? A puppy, little more than an infant, possessed of a dark secret the world wasn't ready to know. Behind those sweet brown eyes, wide and innocent and capable of bringing the staunchest of cat-lovers to their knees, lurks a monster.Concerned citizen Brandon Evans was able to snap a photo of the beast unleashed during an unguarded moment. Looking at the picture, we realized the situation was much more dire than we had originally realized. We knew Greta sometimes played with her chew toys right next to our furniture for the sole purpose of chewing it to shreds the moment our backs were turned. We did not realize she had harnessed the power of electricity to shoot lightning out of her eyes and across her teeth--500,000 volts of raw energy that could kill an adult rhinoceros and still have enough power left over to light Columbus for eons. We attempted to convince Greta to use her electric "personality" for Green purposes: to actually light a city, to solve the recession, or to destroy conservative radio show personalities but she refused. Then she turned her powers on us.
Using flimsy cookie sheets to deflect the terrible burning rays we screamed for help. No one would come. Who could blame them.
After a near miss singed off Brandon's trademark beard, Anne became angry.
"No one messes with my man's facial hair but me!" She screamed, her eyes generating some sparks of their own.
Greta turned her eyebeams on full blast and prepared to blow her adoptive mother away, but Anne's cold stare penetrated Greta's ruthless psyche. A moment's hesitation was all it took:

Quick as a flash, Brandon and Anne grabbed the yellow '70s-era couch which they had been clever enough to pick up from the side of the road some years previously. SLAM! They threw it down on the spot where Greta stood, a last-ditch effort to end her murderous spree. When the dust cleared, Greta was trapped (uninjured--this is a family blog, after all) beneath the sprawling couch.

After a lengthy time out, Greta was released and taken to Puppy Kindergarten, where she will enjoy regular extensive therapy, as well as learn that art can be a positive outlet for her negative energy. Anne and Brandon have to find a new couch. And cookie sheets.


The Hardy's Demon Cat!

You should see him when he's really mad.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

"Don't pee on the carpet"... what Greta has successfully learned. Unfortunately, what we tried to teach her was "Only pee on the newspaper." Yesterday I caught her peeing on a tee-shirt (not one that I care about), and today it was a sweatshirt in the walk-in closet. She uses the newspaper for the most part, but she's inspired me to be more tidy.

Saturday, June 13, 2009


1. Anne actually wrote the last post, I just put the pictures up.
2. Everyone, including a vet and a dachshund owner, thinks Greta's a dachshund, or at least part dachshund. I have to say I agree, if you Google "dachshund puppy", you find some pictures that look like Greta. So maybe she's a beagle/dachshund mix, or maybe she's some other dachshund mix. We'll just have to wait and see what she grows up to be.

Sunday, June 7, 2009


Meet our new friend, Greta. She's an eight-week old beagle mix (we don't know with what) that we got from the shelter on Friday. She and her brother and sister were strays, found when they were five weeks old, and her siblings were adopted earlier on the day we adopted her. She was lonely and crying when we first met her. Though young, she was a skillful manipulator and we adopted her.

Greta loves her squeaky pig. Even as I type she's got it in her mouth and is trying to kill it. I don't know if it's really great that we're teaching a puppy in its infancy that it's good to bite and chew on things even when they squeak in kind of a pitiful way, but if she ends up an attack dog, at least she'll know her roots. As of right now, she weighs about five pounds, and has learned how to come when called and to poop outside (more or less). We're also working on "sit" and "shake." We tried and failed to get her to grasp the concept of "fetch."
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